I really hate myself

I hate myself.
I want to love myself
But I hate myself.

Lately, this all encompassing self doubt and hatred has enraptured me. Everything that I am to do, I just feel like I'm not good enough. I somehow landed a role in the school's production of "Moonchildren". I have two lines. I should be happy, right? But in my opinion, the audition went so terrible that he simply gave me a pity part because I was THAT bad. This put me in a slump and I just feel like I can't act very well. I used to be so uninhibited. Maybe the fear comes from the fact that I feel ugly, and that I'm not good or attractive enough physically. Or that I feel socially awkward. Or that I don't have a game plan anymore. Or that I'm probably still in love with someone who I'll never have. Or that I have no gay friends. I don't think the whole Internet dating thing helps my self esteem. I photograph badly, and I'm a little overweight. Yes I've lost a ton of weight, but I hate my body. I don't even know how I would handle a relationship right now. But it would be cool to at least have a gay friend nearby. Ha, this is West Greenwich. I tend to ramble, not that anyone reads this. I just compare myself to everyone all the time, and then I think I'm not good, and it's bad. I feel like shit about myself constantly. I don't know...I'm too tired to make comprehensive sentences right now.