" 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown"

I'm about to lose it. I can feel myself falling to pieces. Over everything. I'm on the verge of a breakdown. Why can't I just love myself? Almost everyone I know loves me, so why can't I love myself? My friends are baffled by how down I am on myself lately, and no, it's not self pity. I just say how and what I feel. And lately I feel like I just can't do anything. And the more I think about it the stronger an urge I get to throw up. It's like I can see my world crumbling around me and the pieces aren't even worth picking up...I should probably seek "professional" help, but I've never found one who actually worked. Sometimes it's like they are trying to dig for a deeper meaning and cause that isn't really there. I'm not suicidal, not by any means, I just feel like I can't do much of anything anymore. I can't love, I can't act, I can't sing, I can't do math, I can't write, I can't fit in, I can't be happy I can't I can't I can't. I talk to two of my closest friends about all of this and they literally never thought I felt this way. They think I'm a catch, I can sing, math blows, I'm an excellent writer, and I'm the life of the party. But it's like I hear the words, but when they reach my brain they have no meaning. Just empty syllables and sound. Words without meaning. Words that can't fill the desolate emptiness that plagues my inner self and intangible mortality. I have to go take my math test...